spending time in the light

Sometimes I get really upset about all the things I could be doing that I am not. Like how much better my life would be if I didn't miss any chances any just let go of all the things that bring me down. There are people like that, you know. Who just live and move on from each day's trivialities like they never mattered. Who just love for the sake of loving and are loved in return. I strive to be like that but I, like so many people, judge, and feel judged, and let my worries interfere with what I want. I hate that I'm standardized - like it's too much of a risk for me to be different. Who am I really trying to please here? I wish I could just shine bright all of the time to everyone, but maybe that's unrealistic. I'm not saying this as a complaint, but I just want to be a happier person. I want everyone to know that I love being alive and I feel like I never show it because I am constantly dissatisfied. I am trying.