Today I literally thought I was going to die. For the first time probably ever I had an insatiable urge to go to the mall that would only be satisfied ... if I went. So I did. When I first left the snowfall was not heavy, the streets were only slightly covered and my twenty year old Volvo recently got new tires so I thought, "what the heck, I'll just go." First couple of miles, the road was fine. I called my Mom just to let her know where I was going, something I always do just in case I swerve of the road and die, am kidnapped, or am murdered brutally and my remains scattered in various hidden places. Ya know, just doing her and the cops a favor by giving them a lead if anything of the sort occurred. She insisted that I stop by Miles Funeral Home and take her car instead, just because mine "can't be trusted in the snow." I complied, for my urge was overtaking my annoyance at the prospect of having to drive the rocket-ship around.

We switched, and I continued down the ever-snowier road thinking to myself, this van might be the only car in the world that is worse in the snow than my Volvo. Right before merging onto I-290 near Showcase Cinemas the car struggled to break until I applied enough force that my foot was touching the floor beneath it. The traffic was slow going, and something within me told me to get off the first exit, hit the Greendale Mall and return home safe. The urge pushed forward though: one because everyone knows the Greendale is the worst mall in America, and two because my Victoria's Secret gift card I got for Christmas would be useless there. I kept forward, going only 20mph as I rounded the Auburn/Shrewsbury Exit. My stomach was in tangles. This overwhelming fear and dread burned my stomach lining until my face was inches from the steering wheel, making me feel as if I was in more control that way. Get off this exit I thought. But the urge sat like a devil on my shoulder screaming "NEW UNDERWEAR, NEW BRAS .. YOU'RE ALMOST THERE, WHY TURN BACK NOW?!?"

I inched along the highway, my nose nearly touching the windshield as this point as two trucks sandwiched me in the middle lane. I must have been going around ten miles an hour. The snow was slippery. The rocket-ship and all its buttons and nozzles provided me with a small signal of swirvy lines on the dashboard, letting me know when my car was going adrift. This way, when I was about the die at least I could prepare myself, which I did close to four times. I wasn't ready. I honestly thought about calling my Dad and telling him that I love him but I couldn't take my eyes off the road nor my hands off the steering wheel. Talk about melodramatic .. but you weren't there. My death was imminent.

Fortunately I made it too the mall, and thought about turning around the second I pulled onto the Macy's ramp that leads to the main Mall entrance, but I didn't want to have made the trip for nothing. I called my Mom again, and let her know I got there safe. Now if someone were to kidnap me she could tell the cops I made it safely and they could use security footage to locate me.. I picked out new undergarments, used up my $60 giftcard and goggled items in other various stores, realizing that I did not have the money to buy anything. It was okay though, the urge was satisfied and replaced by a new one: get home alive.

The way home was possibly ten times worse than the way there. But this time my goal was different. I stayed focus, cautiously keeping my distance from all other vehicles, even if it meant driving at the painstaking speed of 25mph on the freeway. For all intents and purposes, I guess the trip was worth it. If anything the trip made me realize that I really don't want to die anytime soon, and that life is extremely precious and unpredictable. I satisfied two urges, and got some new lingerie out of the deal.